Theologians meet the sorting hat

With never before seen school pictures

Fellow Pilgrims,

Let’s welcome some great theologians to Hogwarts and sort them into their houses. Because, why not?!?!

Reinhold Niebuhr, step forward, please. Let me delve into your mind. Ah, what a fascinating blend of intellect and pragmatism! Your unflinching diagnosis of the human condition, your sharp insights into power, speak of a mind both perceptive and strategic.

You possess a shrewdness that allows you to navigate the complexities of the world with a discerning eye.

You understand that true change requires savvy manipulation of all forces at play. Ah, yes, Reinhold Niebuhr, you have the qualities of ambition, cunning, and a relentless drive. There is only one place where such attributes are truly appreciated and nurtured. You belong in... SLYTHERIN!

Karl Barth, come closer now. Let me see what lies within that profound mind. Ah, I sense an unquenchable thirst for understanding the divine mysteries. Your theological insights are products of intellect along with a deep, contemplative engagement with the Word.

Your dialectical method, the way you navigate the paradoxes of faith, shows a mind both creative and analytical. This pursuit of wisdom, this intellectual rigor, speaks of a Ravenclaw spirit.

Yes, Karl Barth, your brilliance, creativity, and dedication to the pursuit of revelation place you squarely within the house that values wisdom above all. You belong in... RAVENCLAW!

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, you are next. Ah, what a brave and resolute soul! Your life and works are a testament to a steadfast commitment to righteousness and a willingness to face danger for that sake.

Your bold stand against the evils of your time shows a heart that beats with courage. You have a daring spirit, willing to risk everything for the sake of others and your deeply held beliefs. Your theology of costly grace reflects a profound valor.

Yes, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, your unwavering faith in the face of persecution mark you as a true Gryffindor. You belong in... GRYFFINDOR!

Saint Augustine, place the hat on your head. Ah, what a remarkable mind. Your journey from restless seeker to great theologian of the Church is a testament to your relentless pursuit of wisdom. You explore the depths of human nature, the complexities of sin and grace.

Yet, there is something more. In your works and your life, I see a profound dedication to truth and an unwavering commitment to your faith. Your pastoral care, your dedication to the community, and your humility resonate deeply with Hufflepuff's values.

So, where do you truly belong? Your intellectual brilliance and thirst for knowledge make you a natural fit for Ravenclaw. However, your dedication, humility, and unwavering faith also speak to the spirit of Hufflepuff.

But given your profound impact on theology through your remarkable intellect, it’s clear that the house which most aligns with your greatest strengths is... RAVENCLAW!

Teresa of Avila, let me delve into the depths of your soul. Ah, what a fierce and indomitable spirit! Your life and works radiate strength and conviction.

Your mystical writings reflect wisdom and a courageous exploration of the soul’s journey to God. It takes true bravery to confront the depths of one’s own spirit and to challenge others to greater holiness and devotion.

Your visions and mystical experiences, though deeply personal, were shared with the world. This fearless willingness to expose your innermost spiritual life demonstrates boldness. Yes, Teresa, your fiery spirit, your courageous heart, and your relentless pursuit of reform mark you as a true Gryffindor. You belong in... GRYFFINDOR!

Julian of Norwich, I see much in you. What a serene and compassionate soul. Your life, devoted to contemplation and the care of others, shines with patience and loyalty.

Your writing reflects a profound wisdom. Your visions speak of God’s boundless love and compassion, offering comfort and hope to so many.

You chose to live as an anchoress, dedicating yourself to prayer, yet you remained deeply connected to your community, providing spiritual guidance and support. Yes, Julian of Norwich, your unwavering faith, and deep compassion make you a perfect fit for the house that values patience, loyalty, and kindness. You belong in... HUFFLEPUFF!

Catherine of Siena, let me see. Ah, what a determined and resolute soul, what a strategic mind, a powerful ambition, and unwavering commitment to your mission!

You were a force to be reckoned with, challenging church authorities, advising popes, and working tirelessly. You were a woman of shrewd and diplomatic nature, able to navigate the complexities of political and religious power. Your blend of spiritual insight and pragmatic action shows resourcefulness and cunning.

Your fearless engagement with powerful figures, your ability to inspire and mobilize others, and your relentless drive to achieve your goals mark you out. You possess the ambition, resourcefulness, and strategic thinking that define the house of the serpent. Yes, Catherine of Siena, you belong firmly in... SLYTHERIN!

Henri Nouwen, our last new student tonight. What a compassionate soul!

Your dedication to pastoral care reveals a heart full of kindness. You embraced the marginalized and the vulnerable, offering them not just care but genuine friendship and love. You were never afraid to share your own struggles, creating a deep connection with your readers and those you knew.

Yes, Henri Nouwen, your boundless compassion, humility, and unwavering dedication to others mark you as a true Hufflepuff. You belong in... HUFFLEPUFF!

AI warning: I started these descriptions by prompting ChatGPT, which did a pretty good job at the task, and I then edited them. Naturally, I did the sorting myself.

Grace & peace,

BFJ

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